Hey guys i really didn't plan on blogging tonight but randomly decided to *hint* the name lol anyway today has been a pretty boring day so more then likely this post will probley be but i hope you still enjoy! Today was manly a study ALL day kinda day for me i study alot since i have four years of school to get through lol i was home-schooled and couldnt get my transcripts so i am in the process of doing four years of high-school so i can then move on to college for pharmacy technician :) hubby is doing HVAC and his is only 6 months so he should be finished around october! So one more day until the BIG day on thursday when i have my last test an ultrasound and we also find out the results to all our test including his and we will find out what we are going to do im super duper nervous and i doubt ill be able to sleep at all tomorrow night lol but i am holding on to faith, and keeping my trust in god that all our test will come out good and i pray that i get started on clomid and it works!!! I am so ready to get my BFP as i know all of you are too :) I am starting to hate my news feed on facebook all but the post from my buddies and the group :) it just gets so old logging on and constantly seeing people pregnant and having babies i know that sounds awful and i shouldn't feel like that but i just cant help it :( I mean dont get me wrong i am so happy for anyone who is blessed with the wonderful gift of a child, but i want that too and i have waited soooo long im just so ready!!!! I just want to say to my BFF Kim i am soooooo happy and excited for you guys im so glad you took that step and just keep thinking this is for a baby this is for a baby and you will get through it just fine i had to tell myself that same thing, and trust me it is so worth it and it is such a relief to finally get it done and just think you are on the road to answers and help, and you just wait before you know it we will be cloud chicks ;) lol I also want to say i am so happy for you guys about the house and i am praying for both situations! I cant wait until you move to Tennessee :)) Well thats all i have for tonight Love you guys, and just remember our day is coming i promise!!! :)
~Lovers Until The End~
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
~April 9,2012~
Hey guys well today has been a pretty average day woke up pretty early since the hubby had his test this morning, yay so glad that done, now its just a waiting game until thursday, i am super duper nervous seems like forever until thursday lol but please everyone keep us in your prayers that everything will turn out good and that she will put me on clomid and it will work!!! :) I will be sure to let all of you know what happens thursday! :) So tonight i have decided that i am going to tell you what stress, sadness, and depression that i have been going through for the past 7 months and am still going through!!! Here it goes! First off let me say that i have always been and always will be a daddys girl! September of last year our family got a horrible call that totally changed our lives for the worse we got a call telling us that my dad had cancer (Hodgkin's Lymphoma) I will never forget this day, i was in total shock at first but when i finally accepted it i just broke down, the thought the fear all i could think was i cant lose my daddy i just cant i cant tell you how many sleepless night i sat up just balling thinking about that very thought! And i will also never forget the day that his hair started falling out, so he shaved it and shaved his beard (my daddy loved his beard) this killed me and i just broke down once more, then his blood count dropped super low one treatment and they gave him a shot to boost it back up thinking this was a very good thing i was at peace! Until one night i just couldn't sleep i didn't know why and its hard to explain but i just felt something was going to happen, well.... it did i all of a sudden heard my mom yell BRIDGET i was totally terrified at what i saw when i came upstairs my dad down on his knees with chest pain so bad we really thought it was a heart attack we ended up calling 911 and my mom rode in the ambulance as we followed that night i really thought that what i had been terrified of for months was happening, well after lots of test we finally found out that it was a reaction of the shot that they had given him to boost his blood count! Then after a few months of some peace something else came along and all of a sudden my dads arm swelled up and it was killing him, so here went another ER visit this time it was very bad news, after hours of waiting and worrying we found out that my dad had a blood clot on his lung and several in his arm, the doctor said that if he wouldn't have came to the emergency room it would have killed him!!! Here was another moment when i really thought that i was loosing my daddy, he was admitted in the hospital and was there for 5 days, during his stay my papaw was in the same hospital with pneumonia he is really not in good health at all but needless to say the same time my dad was in the hospital we found out that my papaw has small cell lung cancer the worst and most aggressive kind, they told us that there is no cure for this cancer and that the chemo is only to prolong his life as long as they can, so i have to set here and try to accept that i could lose my papaw at any moment! Now my dads cancer went into remission and we thought all was well today he went to find out the results of a check up scan and was told that it was showing abnormal lympnodes again and that it is possible that it is cancer again, he has a pet scan on wensday and we will know the results next monday so just please keep my family in your prayers! Below i will attach two pics the first one is my hubby, my daddy and i we bought some silly hats to support him in his hear loss when he first had to shave his head it meant so much to him! The second one is just a fav pic of mine of my daddy and i!!!! Well i guess that is all for tonight i love you guys and just remember our day is coming i promise!!!!! :)
Sunday, April 8, 2012
~April 8,2012~
Hey guys today has been a really good day i had a really awesome easter and i am so thankful! We had a easter dinner then a wonderful church service, i am so thankful i feel so much better then the rest of my weekend. The rest of my weekend just wasn't very good at all i feel into a depression and i was just so frustrated and down in the dumps!!! But now after the amazing church service i feel at peace and i have soooo much more hope then i have lately! I truly believe that everything is going to be ok, and i really believe that all our test are going to come out fine and that i will be put on clomoid and it WILL work i really truly believe that with all my heart i really think that our trial is about to come to an end and i feel i am gonna finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!!! I really believe that god is going to answer our prayer here soon and i have placed it in his hands, he has a plan i believe i will see and understand that plan here SOON :) And i give him praise and glory in advance i thank you lord for the beautiful healthy miracle baby that you are going to bless us with and all the praise and glory goes to you! Well i feel i will probley be going to bed earlier then usual tonight considering that chris has his test tomorrow and we have to wake up super early lol then after that comes my last test my ultrasound on the 12th this thursday i have already had my PAP and blood-work so that is my last one then on the 12th after my ultrasound the doctor is coming in to talk to us and give us all the results including his test and we will find out what we are going to do, so just please keep us in your prayers that the test will come out good and that she will put me on clomoid and it will WORK!!! I will be sure to blog and let everyone know what she says, although my BFF Kim will know as soon as i get out of the doctor lol :) Well one more thing i have not yet introduced our babyboy Riley thanks Kim your post reminded me lol :P anyway i got riley when he was 8 weeks old i found him on the internet and i had been wanting a yorkie FOREVER lol i love them, anyway i saw him and i instantly fell in love he was so adorable!!!! I called and made plans to pick him up we had to over 2 hours away but he is worth it lol he is now almost 2 he will be 2 in june and he is spoiled rotten and we love him to death i will attach a picture below!!! Well i guess that is all for tonight but i love you guys and remember our day is coming i promise! :)
Saturday, April 7, 2012
~April 7,2012~
Well today has been a pretty bad day lol woke up with a headache and it has stayed all day!!! Also i've just been pretty down in the dumps today ughhh. I just dont understand some things, i know that they are not meant to be understood and that its all gods plan but sometimes that gets a little hard to accept. After trying for 15 months with bfn after bfn, and one disappointing month after another it just starts to get more and more tough! I just do not understand why it has to be so hard to conceive for people who want a child so much, people who would do anything just to become a mother, and people who really deserve it, yet there are these little teenage girls getting "knocked up" everyday and either having abortions or keeping them yet hauling them off on there parents or some stranger and going out and drinking partying and doing drugs!!! I have tried to not think about this and just think its gods plan but like i said earlier in this post that is very hard to do sometimes. Unfortunately i am still in "that" mood and down in the dumps but i somehow always manage to pull myself out of it. But there are times that i just cry and ask why?!? Why cant i get my hearts desire, the only thing i yearn for? Why cant i be given that wonderful gift of life? Why month after month for 15 months now have i had to set here and watch everyone else around me get what i desire? Why month after month have i had to set here and cry over and over just wanting it? Why do i have to set in this torture and just a simple trip to walmart seeing mother with their child or logging on to facebook and seeing that someone is pregnant or pictures of mothers with their children and i just break down?!? I have never really understood or really ever come up with an answer to all those questions but all i can do is say god its in your hands and in your time, and just keep the faith that it WILL happen and that mabey just mabey these test are a step forward and that mabey this clomid god willing i be put on it that mabey it is the answer and that it will be my break through but all i can do is set here and pray that it is and that i will be put on it and that it will work, i pray that prayer every night and i will keep the hope and faith. And surprisingly these test have given me alot more hope then i have had in a while and the idea that i may be put on clomoid has given me such joy i know that it might sound crazy consitering that this medication can have some pretty bad side effects but i dont care it is all worth it to me!!!! And i have alot of hope that this clomid is our break and that i will become pregnant while taking it i think god is going to work this out for us and i will continue to believe that with all of my heart!!! "All things are possible through him" well i guess that is my vent for the day!!! I just want to say that i have a new BFF and TTC buddy her name is Kim and i am sooooo glad that we have become friends it is so comforting to have someone that you can get close to that is going through the same thing that you are :) Love ya Kim and i just want to say i hope that we become the BEST of friends!!! Well i guess that is the end of tonights post and i just want to say that i love you all and our day is coming i promise babydust to you all!!!!! :)
Friday, April 6, 2012
~April 6, 2012~
Well today has been a pretty average day lol woke up hurting of course since AF is here ughhhh!!! lol anyway other then that i have been studying all day, as that is pretty much what all of my days consist of but TGIF lol. I am doing pretty good today other then a random wave of depression as i thought about this whole TTC journey it has been a long road already and very tuff at times i think the hardest time was when i lost my little angel back in January of 2011 it was one of the worst times of my life! since i am already talking about it i mise well tell the whole story of my short 4 week pregnancy with our little angel so here it goes! We had just started trying and had no idea that i was already pregnant crazy huh? Well before i starting trying to conceive i didn't track my periods at all since they never start on the same day every month lol and i wasn't trying before this so i didn't really pay any attention. I had no idea that i was totally WAY late for my period until.... I know they say that it takes longer then four weeks to have symptoms, well that was so not the case for me at all! First thing i noticed was i was constantly tired no matter how much i slept, i still felt like i had been up for days! Next came the cravings nothing to strange i had to craving that i felt i always had to have and DH was constantly running out haha anyway the first was hot wings, OMG i could not get enough, the second was orange sherbet ice-cream with chocolate syrup my hubby said that one was gross and still to this day he does and now i even think it is but at that time i could not get enough! Next came the food aversion OMG horrible spaghetti i could not stand the smell of it, i would run straight to the toilet and barf, another one was the smell of mcdonalds ughhhh!!!! And the last one was Mt. Dew i LOVE it but when i was pregnant it tasted like chalk!!! The last thing i experienced before i lost the baby was horrible nausea i was throwing up atleast 6 times a day! Then on January 21, 2011 i started to spot i thought this is normal in early pregnancy and thought nothing of it the next day was HEAVY bleeding and horrible cramps way worse then AF then i noticed i was passing everything and that is when i Realized that i was loosing my baby and i totally broke down, collapsed in the floor and just broke down! I was a wreck for months and to this day i still have times when i just break down, but i just tell myself it was gods plan and i will see my sweet angel again one day in heaven.... Well thats the story of my loss and i know it was long but hey its alot of stuff lol anyway i hope you enjoy and i think i am going to take this exam ughhh and go to bed but love you guys and lots of babydust to you all, our day is coming i promise!!!!! :)
Thursday, April 5, 2012
~Introduction~
Mr. & Mrs. Lawson
Welcome to my blog my name is Bridget Lawson i am 21 years old and my DH is 21 and we have been married since May 21, 2011, We have been trying to conceive for 15 months now and are currently going through fertility test. We will find out all of our results on April 12 and we will go from there the way my OBGYN talks if all the test come back good she will more then likely be putting me on clomoid i just pray to god that it works. I am so ready for a baby its such a stressful and alot of times disappointing adventure! We are trying for our first, with one sweet little angel in heaven that i lost at 4 weeks jan of 2011! Anyway some more about us i am currently earning my HSD online and i am constantly studying lol and DH is attending online college for HVAC Technician and should be finished around october me on the other hand it will be a while haha :) I am so very nervous about all of our results but i am keeping faith in god "All things are possible through him!" I am believing and keeping hope and faith that i will be pregnant soon! Well, i think its time to hit the sack lol i am going to try my best to post everyday it really helps me to vent :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)