Well today has been a pretty bad day lol woke up with a headache and it has stayed all day!!! Also i've just been pretty down in the dumps today ughhh. I just dont understand some things, i know that they are not meant to be understood and that its all gods plan but sometimes that gets a little hard to accept. After trying for 15 months with bfn after bfn, and one disappointing month after another it just starts to get more and more tough! I just do not understand why it has to be so hard to conceive for people who want a child so much, people who would do anything just to become a mother, and people who really deserve it, yet there are these little teenage girls getting "knocked up" everyday and either having abortions or keeping them yet hauling them off on there parents or some stranger and going out and drinking partying and doing drugs!!! I have tried to not think about this and just think its gods plan but like i said earlier in this post that is very hard to do sometimes. Unfortunately i am still in "that" mood and down in the dumps but i somehow always manage to pull myself out of it. But there are times that i just cry and ask why?!? Why cant i get my hearts desire, the only thing i yearn for? Why cant i be given that wonderful gift of life? Why month after month for 15 months now have i had to set here and watch everyone else around me get what i desire? Why month after month have i had to set here and cry over and over just wanting it? Why do i have to set in this torture and just a simple trip to walmart seeing mother with their child or logging on to facebook and seeing that someone is pregnant or pictures of mothers with their children and i just break down?!? I have never really understood or really ever come up with an answer to all those questions but all i can do is say god its in your hands and in your time, and just keep the faith that it WILL happen and that mabey just mabey these test are a step forward and that mabey this clomid god willing i be put on it that mabey it is the answer and that it will be my break through but all i can do is set here and pray that it is and that i will be put on it and that it will work, i pray that prayer every night and i will keep the hope and faith. And surprisingly these test have given me alot more hope then i have had in a while and the idea that i may be put on clomoid has given me such joy i know that it might sound crazy consitering that this medication can have some pretty bad side effects but i dont care it is all worth it to me!!!! And i have alot of hope that this clomid is our break and that i will become pregnant while taking it i think god is going to work this out for us and i will continue to believe that with all of my heart!!! "All things are possible through him" well i guess that is my vent for the day!!! I just want to say that i have a new BFF and TTC buddy her name is Kim and i am sooooo glad that we have become friends it is so comforting to have someone that you can get close to that is going through the same thing that you are :) Love ya Kim and i just want to say i hope that we become the BEST of friends!!! Well i guess that is the end of tonights post and i just want to say that i love you all and our day is coming i promise babydust to you all!!!!! :)
I break down almost 5x a day on a GOOD day when I see others, my friend just had her baby today and I hate admitting it but it was so hard to not cry!! && Awe Bridget, I believe we will be the BEST of the BEST of friends :)) <3 It makes me all that more excited to move to TN!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how you feel as you can tell by this post lol and yay i am so glad that we will become the BEST of BEST friends!!! And cant wait till you move here SUPER excited!!! :))
ReplyDeleteAs am I! i told Nick ALL aobut you! LOL
ReplyDeleteI know a few people that have Clomid babies...praying it works for you Bridge!
ReplyDelete