~April 9,2012~

Hey guys well today has been a pretty average day woke up pretty early since the hubby had his test this morning, yay so glad that done, now its just a waiting game until thursday, i am super duper nervous seems like forever until thursday lol but please everyone keep us in your prayers that everything will turn out good and that she will put me on clomid and it will work!!!  :) I will be sure to let all of you know what happens thursday! :) So tonight i have decided that i am going to tell you what stress, sadness, and depression that i have been going through for the past 7 months and am still going through!!! Here it goes! First off let me say that i have always been and always will be a daddys girl! September of last year our family got a horrible call that totally changed our lives for the worse we got a call telling us that my dad had cancer (Hodgkin's Lymphoma) I will never forget this day, i was in total shock at first but when i finally accepted it i just broke down, the thought the fear all i could think was i cant lose my daddy i just cant i cant tell you how many sleepless night i sat up just balling thinking about that very thought! And i will also never forget the day that his hair started falling out, so he shaved it and  shaved his beard (my daddy loved his beard) this killed me and i just broke down once more, then his blood count dropped super low one treatment and they gave him a shot to boost it back up thinking this was a very good thing i was at peace! Until one night i just couldn't sleep i didn't know why and its hard to explain but i just felt something was going to happen, well.... it did i all of a sudden heard my mom yell BRIDGET i was totally terrified at what i saw when i came upstairs my dad down on his knees with chest pain so bad we really thought it was a heart attack we ended up calling 911 and my mom rode in the ambulance as we followed that night i really thought that what i had been terrified of for months was happening, well after lots of test we finally found out that it was a reaction of the shot that they had given him to boost his blood count! Then after a few months of some peace something else came along and all of a sudden my dads arm swelled up and it was killing him, so here went another ER visit this time it was very bad news, after hours of waiting and worrying we found out that my dad had a blood clot on his lung and several in his arm, the doctor said that if he wouldn't have came to the emergency room it would have killed him!!! Here was another moment when i really thought that i was loosing my daddy, he was admitted in the hospital and was there for 5 days, during his stay my papaw was in the same hospital with pneumonia he is really not in good health at all but needless to say the same time my dad was in the hospital we found out that my papaw has small cell lung cancer the worst and most aggressive kind, they told us that there is no cure for this cancer and that the chemo is only to prolong his life as long as they can, so i have to set here and try to accept that i could lose my papaw at any moment! Now my dads cancer went into remission and we thought all was well today he went to find out the results of a check up scan and was told that it was showing abnormal lympnodes again and that it is possible that it is cancer again, he has a pet scan on wensday and we will know the results next monday so just please keep my family in your prayers! Below i will attach two pics the first one is my hubby, my daddy and i we bought some silly hats to support him in his hear loss when he first had to shave his head it meant so much to him! The second one is just a fav pic of mine of my daddy and i!!!! Well i guess that is all for tonight i love you guys and just remember our day is coming i promise!!!!! :) 

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